WE ARE THE GENERATION IN BETWEEN.
14 GENERATIONS
“In Iroquois society, leaders are encouraged to remember seven generations in the past and consider seven generations in the future when making decisions that affect the people.”
— Wilma Mankiller
WHAT WILL PASS THROUGH YOU?
SEVEN BACK. SEVEN FORWARD. WHAT SHAPED YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU SHAPING?
We inherit more than we realize.
Ways of loving.
Ways of protecting ourselves.
Ideas about family.
Belonging.
Success.
Conflict.
Worth.
Right and wrong.
Even what we believe is fair.
Some of it was taught to us.
Some of it happened to us.
Some of it we learned simply by watching.
And much of it began before we were old enough to question it.
FAIRNESS 4 asks us to look in both directions:
Seven generations back to understand what shaped us.
Seven generations forward to explore what we are choosing to shape.
And between them,
THE PRESENT.
The only place we can choose.
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FIND WHERE IT BEGAN.
WHAT IF THIS DIDN’T BEGIN HERE?
THE CONFLICT MAY BE HAPPENING NOW.
BUT IT MAY NOT HAVE BEGUN NOW.
Think about an argument you keep having.
With your partner.
Your family.
A friend.
The world.
Or yourself.
We naturally focus on what just happened.
What they said.
What we said.
Who was right.
Who was wrong.
Who owes whom an apology.
But what if the argument in front of us is only the surface?
What if something underneath it is much older?
A fear.
A belief.
A need.
A boundary.
A wound.
A way we learned to protect ourselves.
A story about what love, family, belonging, or fairness is supposed to mean.
Then perhaps the conflict isn't only a problem.
PERHAPS IT'S A CLUE.
THE CONFLICT IS THE TREASURE.
Not because the pain is valuable.
Not because being hurt is somehow necessary.
And not because everything from our past needs to be excavated.
The treasure is what the conflict can reveal.
Something beneath the surface may still be asking to be seen.
So instead of immediately trying to make the conflict disappear,
follow it.
FIND WHERE IT WAS BURIED.
FIRST, WE GO BACK.
Love.
Self & Other.
Family.
Belonging.
Identity.
Self.
Death.
Seven Boxes.
Seven generations.
Seven versions of ourselves.
And we move through them in order.
DON'T START WHERE THE CONFLICT IS.
START WHERE YOU BEGAN.
Bring the same conflict with you.
Enter the first Box.
Then the next.
And the next.
Don't rush toward the Box that seems obvious.
The argument may be happening in Family.
But what you're protecting may have begun in Love.
The disagreement may appear to be about Me versus You.
But underneath it may be a fear of no longer Belonging.
What looks like anger today may be protecting something much older.
That is why we go through every generation.
IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW FAR BACK YOU CAN GO.
IT'S ABOUT HOW CLOSE YOU CAN GET.
You don't need perfect memories.
You don't need to reconstruct your childhood.
You don't need to prove exactly when something happened.
Use your imagination.
Sit inside the Box.
Allow yourself, for a moment, to feel the world from the perspective of the version of you who lived there.
What could they see?
What couldn't they see?
What did they need?
What did they fear?
What did they learn?
What did they believe they had to do to be loved, safe, accepted, or enough?
And most importantly:
WHAT ARE THEY STILL CARRYING FOR ME?
KEEP DIGGING.
Move to the next generation.
And ask again.
Is it here?
Feel before you explain.
Listen before you judge.
Notice what changes.
Notice what gets louder.
Notice what becomes uncomfortable.
Notice where the conflict suddenly feels familiar.
You are not looking for someone to blame.
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO UNDERSTAND.
And eventually, you may uncover something.
A belief you didn't realize you still held.
A fear you thought you had outgrown.
A definition of love you never consciously chose.
A family rule no one ever actually said aloud.
A need to belong.
A need to be right.
A need to protect yourself.
A version of you that learned something long ago—
and is still trying to help you today.
There it is.
THE TREASURE.
NOW BRING IT INTO THE LIGHT.
Don't bury it again.
Look at it with everything you know now.
You are no longer the person who first learned it.
You have information that version of you didn't have.
Perspective they couldn't have had.
Choices they may never have imagined.
So ask:
Did this protect me once?
Is it protecting me now?
Is it still true?
Is it still mine?
And perhaps the most important question:
IS THIS STILL SERVING ME?
Because understanding where something came from does not mean we have to keep carrying it.
SAME ARGUMENT. DIFFERENT BOXES.
CONFLICT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE CAN BE EVEN MORE COMPLICATED.
We often assume two people are having the same argument.
They may not be.
Imagine you're arguing from Self & Other:
What about me? What about you?
But the other person is experiencing the conflict from Family:
Family doesn't do this to family.
You may be discussing the same event,
BUT YOU ARE NOT STANDING IN THE SAME BOX.
One person may be protecting Identity.
Another may be protecting Belonging.
One may be defending today's boundary.
Another may be defending a fifty-year-old idea about love.
No wonder we sometimes cannot reach each other.
BEFORE YOU ASK THEM TO COME TO YOU,
TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY ARE.
This doesn't mean diagnosing someone.
It doesn't mean telling them which Box they're in.
It doesn't mean abandoning your truth to accommodate theirs.
And it certainly doesn't mean accepting harmful behavior.
It means recognizing that another person's reaction may have a history too.
Fairness doesn't require us to agree.
It asks whether there is enough space for both people to be seen.
Sometimes reconciliation begins when we stop arguing only about what happened,
and become curious about what it touched.
SOME ARGUMENTS END. OTHERS JUST GO QUIET.
COMPROMISE IS NOT ALWAYS CLOSURE.
We often end conflict by compromising.
Someone gives a little.
Someone gives in.
Someone apologizes.
Someone walks away.
And eventually,
everyone stops talking about it.
But silence isn't necessarily resolution.
Because the argument may be over while the thing underneath it remains.
Resentment.
Fear.
Shame.
Distrust.
Unspoken hurt.
Old wounds activated by new words.
SOME THINGS END. OTHERS GET INHERITED.
WHAT WE DON’T RESOLVE, WE CARRY.
THE ARGUMENT ENDS.
THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE REMAINS.
Then we carry it into the next argument.
And the next relationship.
And sometimes,
the next generation.
FAIRNESS 4 asks us to look for something deeper than simply ending the argument.
CLEAN CLOSURE.
What actually belongs to this conflict?
What came from somewhere else?
What can be understood?
What requires a boundary?
What deserves forgiveness?
What can finally be put down?
WHAT IF THE HEAVIEST THINGS WE CARRY ARE THE THINGS WE NEVER FINISHED?
SOME THINGS WERE NEVER YOURS TO CARRY FORWARD.
THEN WE REACH DEATH.
THE TURN.
Stop.
For a moment, put everything down.
The argument.
The roles.
The wounds.
The victories.
The failures.
The resentment.
The expectations.
The identity.
Even the story of who you think you are.
STEP OUTSIDE OF IT.
Look at what you uncovered.
The treasure isn't the wound.
THE TREASURE IS BEING ABLE TO SEE IT.
Because now you have a choice that an earlier version of you may not have had.
Ask:
What deserves to be carried forward?
What deserves forgiveness?
What can end here?
What am I ready to stop carrying?
And then,
TURN TOWARD THE LIGHT.
THIS IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE MIDDLE.
We did not choose everything we inherited.
And we cannot know everything our choices will create.
But we are not powerless between the two.
We can question what we were taught.
Heal what we can.
Release what no longer serves us.
Protect what matters.
Carry forward what deserves to survive.
And create something that did not exist before us.
WE ARE SHAPED.
WE ARE NOT SENTENCED.
OUR FAMILY DOESN'T END AT OUR FRONT DOOR.
I've heard some version of this many times:
“How can I worry about fairness for our people, our planet, and our future?
My family comes first.”
Of course our families matter.
But move through the Boxes.
Step outside the ego for a moment.
Look farther forward.
Our families need clean air.
Water.
Food.
Safety.
Community.
Opportunity.
A livable planet.
A future.
OUR FAMILY IS PART OF
OUR PEOPLE,
OUR PLANET,
AND OUR FUTURE.
Perhaps the question isn't:
Which one comes first?
Perhaps it's:
WHY DID WE LEARN TO SEE THEM AS SEPARATE?
SEPARATION IS EASY.
Me.
You.
Mine.
Yours.
My family.
Your family.
My people.
Your people.
My future.
Your future.
The ego can create distance quickly.
CONNECTION TAKES PRACTICE.
The 14 Generations give us permission to practice.
To move through each version of ourselves.
To feel before reacting.
To notice our conditioning.
To understand what we are protecting.
To recognize when an old version of us has taken the wheel.
And then,
to choose again.
THE MORE WE PRACTICE,
THE FASTER WE CAN FIND OUR WAY.
At first, fourteen generations may sound like a long journey.
It doesn't have to be.
This isn't about spending hours inside every Box.
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO RECOGNIZE THE FEELING.
With practice, something changes.
In the middle of an argument, we may begin to recognize:
This is touching Family.
I'm protecting Belonging.
My Identity feels threatened.
This isn't only about what was just said.
Something older is here.
And instead of immediately reacting,
we can pause.
Find it.
Feel it.
Understand it.
And decide:
DO I STILL WANT THIS TO CHOOSE FOR ME?
That is where reaction can become choice.
AND WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR DIRECTION,
THE COMPASS IS STILL THERE.
The Boxes create the space.
The 14 Generations create the journey.
The Compass helps us navigate.
When you feel yourself pulled off course,
recalibrate.
Go back.
Find what is underneath.
Bring it into the light.
Ask whether it still serves you.
Then turn forward again.
Not perfectly.
CONSCIOUSLY.
14 GENERATIONS.
7 BACK.
To uncover:
WHAT SHAPED ME?
DEATH.
To ask:
WHAT CAN I PUT DOWN?
7 FORWARD.
To explore:
WHAT AM I SHAPING?
AND BETWEEN THEM,
THIS MOMENT.
The past cannot be changed.
The future hasn't happened.
But what passes from one to the other,
PASSES THROUGH US.
So perhaps conflict isn't always something to run from.
Sometimes,
THE CONFLICT IS THE CLUE.
Follow it.
Find where it was buried.
Bring it into the light.
Take the wisdom.
Heal what you can.
Leave behind what you no longer need.
And decide what deserves to travel with you.
WHAT WILL YOU CARRY FORWARD?
WHAT WILL END WITH YOU?
WHAT WILL BEGIN WITH YOU?
7 BOXES. 14 GENERATIONS. 1 COMPASS.
FIND YOUR COMPASS.
Choose your journey
A Moment in Time
To Find FAIRNESS 4 Our People, Planet & Future
Fairness isn’t about equality—it’s about balance.
With curiosity and a willingness to explore all perspectives, we can learn from the past and make better decisions for today and tomorrow.
